“Sabbath Sunday”

Standard

*sigh*

Well, I must say that I am feeling like the Israelites in Exodus 16:3. “We wish the Lord had killed us in Egypt. When we lived there, we could at least sit down and eat all the bread and meat we wanted. But you have brought us out here into this desert, where we are going to starve.” While my reality is not that I am actually “starving” from food, but I feel like I’m in a place of “starvation”…

Today, I reflect on the feeling of “why couldn’t He just ‘leave me alone’.” While my head knows that Jesus is the best way, the right way, and the ONLY WAY, I can’t help but notice those in “the world;” those around me that are happy and “happening to life” while life is just happening to me; out of control.

I pause and am filled with emotion; chaotic, confusing emotion of “my life was good,” “I had a boyfriend,” “I had cool friends full of girl’s nights and dancing,” “I had a personality,” “I was unashamed, well rounded, and balanced.” So I thought…

Then God…

I talked to my mom the other day to express to her that I feel as though I’ve been in a place of transition for the last few years, but even more intensely over the last year. I made that statement as if to pose the question “when will it stop.” It being this constant place of transition and change… The thought of never having “what I want” absolutely terrifies me… So much so that my flesh (my spirit knows and understands why) wants to know why God didn’t leave me in Egypt.

Peace & Love~
Originally Written July 2010

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About UnderSt83d

Just a few random thoughts of someone trying to "break the mold." Transitioning is a motha!!! And life can be too! Trying to enjoy the ride, but need an outlet at times... Logic vs Realism vs Optimism Blogging the Journey.....

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