I know my title is extreme, but all of these are me RIGHT NOW!
This weekend I was being reactive instead of being proactive, seeking affirmation from others and it almost backfired (and may still.) I work with/lead a youth praise team and a young adult praise team and I have/had been feeling very discouraged, spiritually ad physically tired about the whold ministry. I know that I sometimes don’t pray as consistently as I should and I don’t read my Bible as much as I could and should, but I feeling in my heart that I had been desperately seeking God mentally and relationally. Then you go on to pose the question “What’s you desperation story?”
This weekend I had a thought; a thought that said “maybe I’ll never really know Jesus; maybe I’ll never have the relationship that I long to have with Him.” And it brought me to tears. That then was followed by a letter to the youth pastor and his wife regarding me not having any spiritual power/anointing to lead the youth in worship. I never stopped to talk to God or vent on paper before I reacted. The youth pastors wife responds and in her email says “Miles Monroe said ‘if you don’t know the purpose of a thing (or yourself) abuse is inevitabel. Therefore I don’t think you should lead at all if you are unsure of what you are doing or supposed to do.” This broke my heart. She has not asked me to step down, but I was sending the email because a lot of other frustrations regarding this ministry had built up (Disappointed Much?) and I was seeking affirmation when I should have just discussed what the really issue was. Now, I desperately seeking God’s face to reveal who I am in Him, my purpose in Him and to fix this situation if it is indeed in His will (Be Set Free). Teenagers will be teenagers and I need to remember that, but in a moment of being caught up in my flesh, it appeared that I was going to “pitch a tent and stay there”; there in feeling inadequate (Celebrate You/ME.)
Then in reading “Show Me The Credit”, Judges 4:14 “Barak, it is time to attack Sisera. B/C today the LORD is going to HELP you DEFEAT him. In fact, the LORD has already gone on ahead to fight for you.” God brought clarity and affirmation through this text… God spoke directly to me this morning… “ERYN, it is time to attack the devil. B/C today I AM going to HELP you DEFEAT him. In fact, I have already gone on ahead to fight for you.” THANK YOU JESUS FOR THIS WORD! And then to add to it, reading “Can You Handle The Good News” Acts 20:24 “But I don’t care what happens to me, as long as I finish the work the Lord Jesus gave to me to do. And that work is to tell the good news about God’s great kindness.”
NO MORE SEEKING AFFIRMATION FROM OTHERS; NO MORE CONCERNING MYSELF WITH THE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS OF OTHERS AS IT RELATES TO MY MINISTRY! TIME TO “CELEBRATE ME” AND STOP COMPARING MYSELF AND BASING MY SUCCESS/ANOINTING OFF OF THE SUCCESS/ANOINTING OF OTHERS!!!!
TIME TO PERFORM FOR THE AUDIENCE OF ONE!